I love him, you all know that. So many times I have raved about him being my other half, the piece that completes me. The Sun in my days, the strength in my stance and the song in my voice. I have told you how much he helps me, how much he gives, how blessed I am.
But there are some things I haven’t shared.
We have been together for over ten years, married for over seven. We have lived in isolated towns, far from family and friends. We have moved from State to State. We have had children and started a family. We have battled infertility and cancer. We have said our final farewell to a much loved parent and to our precious baby girl whose hands we never had a chance to hold.
Needless to say it has not all been smooth sailing.
There are times when we have both felt disappointed with the other.
There are times when I have felt that his gloom is crushing my spirit. I find myself wishing he could focus on the positives, that he would laugh and smile a little more. There are times when I question his love for me, when I wonder if I make him happy and whether he wants me around. There are times when I wish he could see my strengths and not just my weaknesses. There have been times when I have feared that the differences that brought us together are pulling us apart.
There are times when I infuriate him. Times when he just wants to say “Get out of that bubble you live in, enter the real world”. Times when he is sick to death of picking up after me, on more levels than just the obvious. Times when he wishes I wasn’t so sensitive and emotional, that I could just be normal. Times when he feels I lose sight of all that he does do. Times when he wants to get away from it all.
Underpinning these times is nothing more than two people who have lost their rhythm. Two people who, for just a moment, cannot understand each other and cannot give what the other desires. Two people who have, albeit briefly, fallen out of sync.
In the early days these moments scared me. I wondered if it was a sign that this relationship was not meant to be and that we wouldn’t last the distance. When these dark days fell upon us I would forget about the sunshine we had shared. I would question the decisions we had made and the strength of our marriage.
Now I am a little older and I have had a little more life experience. I have talked with others who have walked this road before me. The hard times still come but now I accept them for what they are.
I now know that this life we are sharing is a rocky road that we have chosen to walk together. I now know that if I can sit back and let the storm pass the Sun will shine even brighter than before. I now know that marriage takes work. It takes patience, acceptance and a willingness to compromise and accommodate. A willingness to choose your battles and let things go. It takes the ability to find the beauty in the everyday, to hold onto the good times, to cherish them, to count your blessings and to remain grateful. But above all else it takes a commitment to love, to always love.
Today, when the dark times fall upon us I try to stay calm. I remind myself that there are few things I love more than being in sync with this man. That, when he feels like it, he makes me laugh louder than anyone else can. That he is the man who chose to love me, despite my quirks, all of which he accepts. He looks after me and looks out for me. But most of all, even when he is angry, even when he is sick of it all or even when I disappoint or annoy him, he always loves me. No matter what I do, no matter how he feels, he never questions his love for me.
One day he and I will be old and our bodies will start failing us. I know without any doubt that on that day I want him to be holding my hand, that nobody else’s will do. When that time comes I will look back on my life with him and I will smile as I reflect on his sombre ways, the very ones that currently drive me crazy. Just as he will laugh at memories of my scattered mind, the very mind that he blames for his greying hair. We will both be so glad that we walked this journey together. We will know that we were meant for each other not because of fate or destiny but because we worked at making our time together as rich and loving as it could be.
Quick and Easy Raw Carrot Cake
- 1 and 1/2 cups desiccated coconut
- 1 cup walnuts
- 2 carrots, ends removed, roughly chopped (150 – 180 grams)
- 12 medjool dates, seeds removed
- 1/2 cup raisins
- squeeze of lemon juice
- 1 teaspoon cinnamon
- 1/2 teaspoon concentrated natural vanilla extract
- pinch of salt
- 1 cup raw macadamias
- 2 tablespoons coconut oil
- 1 heaped tablespoon honey*
- zest of one lemon (optional)
- Line a square 20cm cake tin with baking paper hanging over the sides for easy removal.
- Place the icing ingredients into your processor and pulse until the mixture is well combined and relatively smooth. You may need to scrape the mixture onto the blades and pulse a few times to achieve the desired consistency. Remove from the processor and set aside.
- Place the cake ingredients into your processor and pulse until completely broken down and sticking together. Press the mixture firmly into your prepared tin. Spoon the icing over the cake and level the top. Place in the fridge to set.
- Slice. Serve. Eat. Enjoy.
*you can sub the honey with rice malt syrup, maple syrup etc.
note – you can slice this and store it in the freezer and eat it directly from the freezer.