When I reflect on my life to date, on the many paths I have walked and the mountains I have climbed, there is one moment that stands alone. There is one moment that is with me every day and is a part of everything I do. There is one moment where, without conscious thought, I let go of the person I had always been.
This moment occurred during my darkest hour.
This moment occurred when I said goodbye to my baby girl, or at least that is what thought I did. I now know that a large part of her has remained with me.
As time has gone on I have realised that this little being, who died before she had a chance to live, left me so much. She taught me so much. She gave me so much.
I am unsure how to convey this to anyone. I am unsure of the words. All I can say is that it is a defining moment. That I can clearly see the person I was when she was alive and well and kicking in my belly and for all the years that came before. I can also clearly see the person I am after I birthed her and saw her still, delicate body.
I doubt I will ever understand why any Mother loses a child. But I have certainly experienced first-hand that even those children that only stay with us for a short time can enrich our lives, change our world and can bless every single day.
We never say goodbye.
Every child I have had is with me every moment, every day.
Every child I have had has taught me invaluable lessons and made me a better person.
I have needed every child that I have birthed and if I had my time over, if I knew in advance how this pregnancy would end, I would still have her. For it is better to have loved her and of lost her, than to of never loved her at all.
Lemon Trifle
the lemon curd
- 4 eggs yolks
- 2 tablespoons coconut sugar
- 2 tablespoon coconut oil
- zest and juice of one large lemon
the cake
- 3 eggs
- 2 tablespoons coconut sugar
- 2/3 cup almond meal
- the extras
- 6 passion fruits, pulp only
- 2 – 3 cups thick yoghurt, natural or coconut for dairy free*
- Whisk the egg yolks and sugar in a small saucepan until well combined. Add the other ingredients and place the saucepan over a medium heat. Continue to stir. Once the oil has melted reduce the heat to low and continue to stir until the mixture thickens. This takes approximately 5 – 8 minutes. Remove from the heat and set the curd aside.
- Preheat your oven to 175°C or 350°F. Grease and line a 20cm square cake tin.
- To make the cake beat the eggs for 5 minutes, add the sugar and beat for a further minute. Sprinkle half of the almond meal over the egg mixture, gently fold to combine and repeat with the remaining mixture. Pour the mixture into the prepared tin and bake for 20 minutes. Allow to cool in the tin for a couple of minutes before turning onto a cooling rack.
- Once the cake and curd have cooled you can start assembling your trifle. I would like to do this in a glass bowl, but I don’t have one so I settle for individual glasses. Either will work perfectly.
- Layer however you desire! I started mine with a thin smear of the curd around the bottom and side of the cup, followed by the yoghurt, cake, passionfruit and repeat. You can also mix the curd, yoghurt and passionfruit together and simply layer this with the cake. Either way it will be divine. Serve. Eat. Enjoy.
*you can also use a whipped coconut cream such as this one.
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