I am spending a few days at my Mum and Dads with the kids. My husband, as he often does, has stayed behind.
I was standing at their kitchen window this morning. Observing the lack of changes that have swept through my little home town and inwardly smiling at how everything seemed so close to being exactly as I left it half my life time ago.
There was a man driving past whose kids I knew well. A man whose house I stayed at countless times while I was growing up.
I remembered how he would drive past and we would all wave back when I lived here.
It seemed as though the only thing that had changed was that he is now separated from his wife. It seemed, as I went through my day, that many of the changes that had happened in my little town had occurred behind closed doors.
A strange thing happened as he drove past the window, as these thoughts floated through my mind.
I made a pact with myself to do all I can to never be there. To never know the stress, the pain, the heartache, the frustration and the intense emotions that come with a divorce.
I have no idea why this scene had this effect on me. This man isn’t unhappy. He is still very close to his wife. I have heard countless divorce stories that are far more frightening than the simple story he has to tell.
But this was the first time I have ever had these thoughts.
Perhaps it is because my husband and I are separated and as lovely as it is to be with my family I am missing him. I am missing the completeness he brings to my world. Everything is slightly off balance.
When that man drove past my window I was struck by how much of myself would be missing if my husband wasn’t around. For that brief moment I became all too aware of the space he would leave and the emptiness I would feel.
Our life together is far from perfect and there are many times when we drive each other crazy. I don’t doubt for a second that he is loving his days at home, alone. The peace, the quiet, the ease of being family free for a couple of nights.
But.
Even when he is infuriating me, even when he seems disinterested in my days and my world, I need him and I never want to stop needing him. I never want to know what it is like to have to let go or to have to start over. I never want to know what it is like to not be loving him and not have him loving me.
Vanilla Cookies
- 3 cups desiccated coconut
- 1/4 cup maple syrup
- 1 teaspoon concentrated, natural vanilla extract
- pinch of salt
- Preheat your oven to 175°C or 350°F
- Line a tray with baking paper.
- Place the ingredients into your food processor ands blend at very high speed until the coconut has completely broken down, the mixture is smooth, sticking together and resembles a cookie dough.
- Use your hands to shape the mixture into 12 balls.
- Place the balls onto your cookie tray and gently flatten.
- Bake for 12 minutes or until golden.
- Leave on the tray for 10 minutes before gently transferring to a cooling rack to cool completely.
- Eat and enjoy!
Please note – this recipe requires very high powered processing. If you are able to make coconut butter in your food processor than you should be fine with this. Give the mixture ample time and if it still isn’t coming together add 1 tablespoon of coconut cream.
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