If you were here right now I would sit on the arm of your chair, hold your hand and say, ‘You knew all along, didn’t you?’
The last time we saw each other I was lost, confused. There was a sadness inside me that I concealed from the world but I could not hide from you. We never talked about it. But the warmth in your embrace and the compassion in your voice told me that you knew louder than any words we could have exchanged.
Your eyes assured me that everything would be alright. That it would all work out in the end. At the time I doubted you. You have always seen me through your very own rose coloured glasses, not how anyone else perceives me and certainly not how I perceive myself.
Each morning I go out running and it’s our time. The world is quiet and it is just you and I. I take the time to talk to you. I don’t spend it missing you. I don’t spend it reminiscing about the wonderful woman you were or the treasured times we shared. I spend it talking to you.
I tell you about the little things, the recipes I want to make, the ones I think you will like, the ones that will make you laugh. I suspect you would have trouble understanding my recipes. You would find them amusing but you would also love them, even the bad ones. Remember when I made that giant sponge cake! That was so funny! No one else would eat it and you thought it was wonderful. That dear Gran, is love.
I tell you about the kids. About Lu’s speech at School and how I was bubbling with pride and excitement. About Eamon saying ‘Lulu’ and how my heart almost explodes every time I hear it. I tell you about Gav. I know you’d like him. He would make you laugh. You would think he is good for me. You would only see his strengths. He would have you wrapped around his finger. I am sure you would whip him up some caramel slice every time we visited and he would make a fuss, declaring it the finest thing he has ever tasted. You would make me tea, in a pot, with milk and one and a half sugars. I would take a sip and be ten years old all over again.
I tell you about Mum and I. How despite our difference we are so close. I tell that you did a fine job raising that lady and I thank you for giving her to me.
You would love the kiddos, they would bring you so much joy. Lu would remind you of me. Eamon would melt your heart. They would both make you smile from the inside out.
You would love seeing me as a Mum. You would laugh at my quirky ways and my rules, some of them I know you would break.
I think you would be proud, I think you’d be happy with the way it is all rolling out.
I think you knew all along that everything was going to be ok.
Coffee and Pecan Cake
- 12 medjool dates, seeds removed
- 1 cup boiling water
- 1 tablespoon coffee
- a pinch of salt
- 1/2 teaspoon concentrated natural vanilla extract
- 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
- 2 tablespoons coconut oil
- 2 tablespoons coconut cream
- 2 and 1/2 cups of almond meal
- 3 eggs
- 1 teaspoon baking powder
- 1 cup pecans
- 1 tablespoon honey
- 1 tablespoon coconut oil
- 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
- pinch of salt
- Preheat your oven 175°C or 350°F. Grease Line an 18cm cake tin.
- Dissolve the coffee in the boiling water and pour over your dates. Leave to soak for a minimum of 20 minutes.
- While they are soaking we can make the crumble topping. Place the crumble topping ingredients into your processor and quickly pulse to a textured crumb. Spoon this mixture into a bowl and set aside. There is no need to wash your processor, just get straight to making the cake.
- Remove the dates from the coffee using a slotted spoon and place them into your processor along with 1 tablespoon of the coffee, add the salt, vanilla, cinnamon, oil and coconut cream and blend until the mixture is smooth and well combined. Add the almond, eggs and baking powder and blend to combine.
- Spoon the mixture into your prepared tin. Sprinkle the crumble evenly over the top, breaking it up with your fingers and press it into the cake mixture. Bake for 30 minutes. After 30 minutes cover the cake with foil and bake for a further 10 minutes. Remove from the oven, remove the foil. Allow the cake to sit briefly before gently transferring to a cooling rack. Cool completely before cutting.
- Eat and enjoy!