Seven years ago I was pregnant with our first baby. We had not yet survived infertility or cancer. At this point in time our hardships came from losing our much loved Grandparents, from working with difficult colleagues and moving house.
How times have changed.
Right now I am overjoyed to be pregnant, naturally, with our third baby. I feel blessed.
Right now we are also going through a difficult time within our wider family that I know will surpass anything we have previously faced.
I am scared. I am worried. I am saddened.
Perhaps what makes this hardest of all is that whatever I am feeling is secondary to the pain and anguish that my Husband, my love, is enduring.
Sometimes it is far more difficult to be the helpless observer of another’s pain than it is to deal with your own.
My husband is, by nature, an incredibly independent man, I don’t know that I can help him through this. I can give him space. I can listen. I can love him unconditionally. But I do not believe that I can help.
He also plays the role of being my strength, my clarity, my laughter, my best friend. Right now he cannot be this man. Nor do I expect him to when the emotional load he is carrying is so heavy.
I am using up my energy wishing, hoping, praying for calmer times. For a turn in the tide. For anything that can ease the pain. Whatever happens, whatever today and whatever tomorrow brings I just hope he knows that I am beside him, always beside him.
Allergy Friendly Chocolate Cake
1/4 cup ground flax seed (flax meal)
3/4 cup water
16 medjool dates, seeds removed
1 cup coconut milk
1 tablespoon coconut oil
3/4 cup coconut flour
1/2 cup cacao or cocoa
1 teaspoon bicarb soda
1/2 teaspoon concentrated natural vanilla extract
pinch of salt
Preheat your oven to 175 degrees Celsius or 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
Grease and line a 20cm cake tin. This cake does not rise and looks similar to a brownie. You could easily use a smaller tin if you wanted more height, you may need to adjust the cooking time slightly. You can also sandwich two cakes together as outlined below.
I start by making my flax egg. Place the flax meal into a small cup, add the water and mix well with a fork to combine. Set aside.
Place the dates into your processor and add the coconut milk and coconut oil. Blend until smooth. Sift in the coconut flour and cacao or cocoa, blend again to combine the ingredients. Add the vanilla, salt and flax egg, again combine, lastly add and combine the bicarb. Spoon the mixture into your prepared tin and gently press it down and smooth over the top. You can use slightly damp hands for this if you like. Bake for 30 minutes. Allow to cool in the cake tin for up to 30 minutes before moving to a cooling rack. We leave ours for at least an hour before cutting. Enjoy!!!
If you are wanting to ice the cake and /or sandwich two cakes together to increase the height I would suggest making up a large batch of our divine and incredibly easy nut free Nutella. This makes a delicious icing! If you live in a climate hotter then mine you may want to put the Nutella into the fridge to firm up a little prior to icing the cake, I personally have not needed to do this.